I cried over my house today. And, no it didn't burn. It wasn't swept away by a tornado. It wasn't lost to me in any way, and yet I cried. Not just once, but off and on all morning.
Several months ago we had a damaging storm that came through our area. Our house actually fared quite well in comparison to many others and yet we are still getting a new roof and new siding. My man works in the housing industry and has experience in construction. He also knows a lot of handymen that are willing to help him repair our house. So, even though they plan to do a lot of the repairs, we still chose to hire one contractor for some of the work. One reason we hired a contractor was because we didn't want to abuse our friends' generosity; another is because my man's schedule is so crazy that it would take forever to finish everything if we did it all ourselves.
Who here has worked with contractors before? Who can testify to the difficulties that can bring? Amen?
Our contractor showed up about 6 o'clock this morning. And one hour later I crawled back in bed and asked God if I could start my day over again.
Before this morning we knew exactly what we wanted to do. By doing some of the work ourselves, we were going to have some extra money to make some improvements and upgrades. Then the contractor came and, in one hour, destroyed our vision.
I know I am being very cryptic and for that I am sorry. I just don't want to bash our contractor. I understand his position; however, I also understand that this is my house and my money and my vision. My vision that has just been ripped into. And, in a moment of weakness...okay, let me be honest...in several moments of weakness, I cried.
I admitted to my good friends that I saw at a MOPS meeting this morning that I know it is just a thing. A material thing that could be taken away from me tomorrow. I know that I should be grateful that I am getting a new roof and siding and all that goes with it. Heck! I should just be grateful for my house, with the old, beat-up siding and the faded roof and everything that goes with that! And I am. But I also had hopes for vast improvements that were dashed this morning.
The worst part is that my man and I were grumpy with each other all day too. We were grumpy this morning before we both left. We were grumpy on the phone a few hours later. We were grumpy when he came home to check on the workers' progress. And, when he left to go back to work to work, we were still grumpy. That's when I finally came to my senses.
I don't know about you all, but when I have to say goodbye to someone, that seems to always put things in perspective. I realized, after he walked out the door without a hug, a kiss, or even a "goodbye," what was really important. I always have thoughts like this: What if he has a car accident and I don't get to tell him I'm sorry and that I love him? So, I called him. He didn't answer. I'm assuming he was on the other line, but let's be honest, he might have just been too aggravated to talk to me. He did eventually call back though and I told him I was sorry, that it wasn't worth being upset with each other for a something as silly as a house.
We still can't have exactly what we wanted for our house, but we have peace. We still aren't exactly happy, but we have joy. We will save some money, thanks to the change of plans. And, like I told my man this morning, I had prayed that God would keep him safe when he and the other men were working on our roof today, and because of the changes, they didn't have to work on it. Perhaps God kept them from some terrible disaster. I don't know. But I do know that even in this very minor bump in my life journey, God is refining me. Teaching me patience and perspective. Preparing me for bigger hurdles and disappointments.
I feel silly admitting it, but this is the real me: the girl who cries over a construction project. I nearly laughed out loud just typing it. See? He's working on me already! (Just kidding. And smiling.)
P.S. After typing out all those recipes to send to my sister-in-law for the ALS cookbook, I have had a hankering for scones. I finally made them today. And, guess what? I left out the butter! The butter! I'm like Paula Deen--I put butter in everything! And if a little bit is good, a lot is better! I realized my mistake when they were baking and totally expected them to be gross. But, God knew I needed a small miracle today. They were yummo. It probably helped that I poured chocolate butter all over them. Seriously. I put two sticks of butter in the microwave with about a cup of chocolate chips, melted, stirred, and slathered it all over the scones (which already had chocolate chips in them). Yummo, I tell ya.