My Fab Fam

My Fab Fam
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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Just Perpetually Tired

Don't miss the update at the bottom of this post.

Is there anyone else out there that is just tired?  I don't mean that I feel tired every once and a while.  I mean I am constantly tired.  Like at-any-moment-I-could-crawl-in-bed-and-go-to-sleep tired.

I think about the verse, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest" (Mt 11:28).  I quote it inside my head constantly, like saying it will somehow energize me for the tasks ahead.  It doesn't.

I do take naps sometimes.  It doesn't help.  I'm still tired.  Always tired.

I get up, have my quiet time, have two cups of coffee, start laundry, fix breakfast, get big girl off to school, and I'm tired.  After dropping big girl off, baby girl and I come home and play games like "Hungry, Hungry Hippos," and "Operation."  We read books.  We play educational games on the computer.  We play with animals and dolls and have tea parties.  And we play doctor; baby girl takes my temperature, gives me "medicine," and applies bandages while I lay in the floor.  Because I'm tired. We go to pick up big girl, come home, eat lunch, change into PJ's, and put baby girl to bed.  I make big girl lay down too, although she doesn't usually go to sleep.  And I sit there on the foot of the bed and catch up on emails and FB.  And I'm thankful that baby girl wants her momma nearby while she falls asleep.  It gives me a much-desired excuse to sit down again.  Because I'm tired.

When baby girl is asleep and big girl is squared away in the play room with crayons, paper, and toys to occupy her during her sister's nap, I head to the laundry room.  And I'm pondering...

"Why am I so tired?  I seek God in the morning...I pray throughout my day...Granted, it's not the "praying without ceasing" relationship we once had, but I believe we'll get there again...and I keep plugging on even when all I really want to do is sit.  So, WHY AM I SO TIRED?"

And I wasn't really even saying it to God, as much as I was just thinking it to myself, but God, Who knows my every thought, gently spoke this over me:  The joy of the Lord is my strength.

The JOY!  I'm missing the joy!  And therefore, I'm missing the strength!  I started singing the words...

The jo-oy of the Lo-o-o-rd is my strength;
The jo-oy of the Lo-o-o-rd is my strength;
The jo-oy of the Lo-o-o-rd is my strength;
The jo-oy of the Lo-rd is my strength!

Amazing the immediate boost of energy it gave me!  Sad to think the answer was within my reach all along and I've been missing it.

Reminded me of a blog post I read recently by Ann Voscamp while resting my tired body on the foot of the bed as baby girl drifted off.  The post is irrelevant as the thing that really struck me on her blog was her "One Thousand Gifts" list.  At the end of the post, she added a few items to her list of 1,000 blessings from God for which she was thankful to Him.  Only she has been creating this list for so long that she is way beyond 1,000; her last item was numbered 4,382.

And, as I stood there singing, realizing I had been missing the joy, and wondering how I could continuously experience it, I remembered the attitude of gratitude, and thought I'd join in the 1,000 gifts list.  So, I'll start now...

#1.  The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, because they are three-in-one, and as One, they are my all-in-all.
#2.  Salvation, because it is the start of everything beyond the Trinity.
#3.  My man, because he is my earthly lord, and I couldn't ask for a better one as he is an incredible example of how Jesus loves even with all my junk; he is my intercessor, my encourager (although spell-check does not like that word, he is!), my comforter, my most adamant defender, and so much more; but most of all he is my very best friend.
#4.  My big girl, because she is simply beautiful; she's generous, and honest, and tender-hearted, and she challenges me as she reflects my image and she changes me as she loves me and constantly reminds me of God's simple truths.
#5.  My baby girl, because she too is beautiful, and honest (about what she sees and perceives, not necessarily about what she does), and loving, and strong-willed, and she gives great hugs and makes me laugh and keeps pushing me to live the words I profess because she learns solely by example; that old saying, "Do as I say and not as I do," holds absolutely no weight with her.
#6.  Today.  For "this is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it."
#7.  The realization that the joy of the Lord is my strength, and strength is within my grasp.

Thank you, Jesus.

December update:
Thought I should let you mommas know...I recently visited my doctor who ordered blood work which gave some insight to my perpetual tiredness:  low iron.  If you are perpetually tired, see your doc!  There may be a physical reason!  Rest on, sisters.

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