I Will Not Sleep, I Will Not Sleep, I Will Not Sleep

"I will not enter my house or go to my bed; I will allow no sleep to my eyes, no slumber to my eyelids, until I have found a place for the Lord, a dwelling for the mighty One of Jacob."  Ps 134

Yesterday and the day before I overslept.  I did not get up when my alarm went off and that means I had no quiet time before my beauties were up.  None.  Disastrous.  When will I learn that sleep is NEVER worth losing out on time with God?

I memorized the passage above several years ago, and yet I have failed to make it a reality in my life.  Years of knowing what was good for me and not doing it.

"He who knows the good he ought to do and does it not, that is sin to him" (my paraphrase of James 4:17).

I know that finding a place for God in my life is more important than sleep, but somehow in the dark and quiet of the morning, my physical desires override my spiritual desires and needs.  And I pay for it all. day. long.

This may seem a little unrelated, but bear with me for a minute.

I watched a little video clip by Beth Moore yesterday.  She was teaching on Uzziah.  Second Chronicles, chapter 26, tells us that "He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD...He sought God...As long as he sought the LORD, God gave him success" (verses 4 and 5).  Later in the same chapter, we are told that "His fame spread far and wide, for he was greatly helped until he became powerful.  But after Uzziah became powerful, his pride led to his downfall.  He was unfaithful to the LORD his God..." (verses 15 and 16).  He assumed equality with the priests and entered the temple to burn incense to the LORD and the LORD struck Uzziah with leprosy.  He lived with leprosy until the day he died.

But you know what I found most fascinating in that story?  The way people remembered him.  He was incredibly powerful, having a large army and great military accomplishments.  We are told that at the peak of his power his fame spread far and wide.  Yet, after his pride caused him to fall, people forgot his great successes.  When he died, we are told that the "people said, 'He had leprosy.'"

He was a great king of Judah who brought his nation, himself, and his God fame.  And yet, people only spoke of his leprosy.  His failure.  His shame.

The story made me ask the question, "How do I want people to remember me?"  More than anything, I want people to be able to say of me, "She loved God and His love was evident in her life."  I want to love Him and show His love to others.  That, to me, is success.

Then I thought about the days I call "successful."  They are the days that I love my man and my kiddos the way I desire to love them, the way they desire to be loved.  I serve them with joy, enjoy their company, really listen, discipline out of love...on and on.  These are the days I work hard and hardly feel like I'm working; we are busy all day long, accomplishing a lot, and having fun doing it.  These are also the days that I have quiet time.

Do you see where I'm going?  If I want to be remembered as loving God and showing His love to others, I have got to get out of bed and let Him fill me up with some love first.  I have none, I mean none, to give on my own.  I am an epic failure on my own.  But just as Uzziah "sought the LORD" (verse 5) and was "greatly helped" (verse 15), I know that I will be greatly helped to do things that I can not do in my own strength if I seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33).  Then He will give me everything I need.

And that word "first" in Matthew 6?  Yeah, it's important.  I'm just now starting to realize how important.  I used to occasionally have quiet time during the girls' naps, or after they went to bed.  And that was okay, but I've always known there is something about the first fruits.  The first and best of what we have is to go to God.  Look at Cain and Able. "Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil," just a random portion; while "Abel brought fat portions from the some of the firstborn of his flock" (Genesis 4, emphasis mine).  Abel knew God deserved the best he had to offer, which was the first of all God gave him.  

God started teaching me in the early years of my marriage that the first portion of our money is to go to Him.  I feel confident that He started teaching me that lesson then so that I could be a stay-at-home wife and momma today.  Because we started giving even when giving wasn't easy, God blessed us in unfathomable ways.  Our income was literally cut in half when I quit work to stay home with our first baby girl.  And, on paper, it looked impossible.  Yet, since that time, we have had another baby girl, purchased a home, and bought a car.  And I'm still staying home.  Impossible in our own power, but God gave abundantly more than all we asked or imagined over and over in the strangest and most awesome ways to make it possible.  (Side note:  Never underestimate what God can do through people.  Time and time again, God's blessings came to us through the filter of human hands who were willing to let His financial blessings flow through them and to us.)  Truly, with God anything is possible.  I started to say, "First lesson in first fruits learned," but then realized as soon as I say that, I set myself up to fall in that area again.  So, I think I've learned that one, and Lord willing, I won't forget it and have to relearn it again someday.  It's still not always easy, but giving our first financial fruits brought more fruit, and that consequential fruit has been SUCH a faith-builder.  In the area of finances.  But...

Time.  Now that's a different story.  This lesson seems to be a little harder for me to learn.  I used to say that God didn't care if I had my quiet time at night.  And, on one hand, He didn't and He doesn't.  When I first came to Christ in college, I only studied at night and my relationship with God was indescribable.  But, over time, as the lesson of first fruits has come up over and over, and as I've seen the results of giving our first fruits (in all areas), I have become convicted that evening quiet time is not the best for me.  It's good.  God is good to meet me wherever I am.  But it's not the best.  I miss out on some major blessings when I don't start my day with Him.  I don't want to miss out anymore.

I'm sure many of you have already learned this lesson and that is why I want to ask you...

Pray for me?

When you wake up at 4, 5, or 6, will you give a little shout out to God for me?  Ask Him to lure me out of bed.  I'll be eternally grateful.  Really.

Pray that I will not sleep.