Some Randomness in the Midst of My Conundrum

Over and over as I blog I am faced with the same conundrum:  should I say this?

I have written three posts just this week (not counting the innumerable ones that I've started in weeks past), that are sitting in my post list as "drafts," because all of them contain some controversial topics.  I ask myself over and over, "Do I share my heart on this?"  I mean, one on hand, I think...this is my blog, the place where I can say whatever's on my mind, the place where I can share my own inner struggles, the place I am recording life and life lessons for my little princesses, the place people can visit if they want to read my thoughts or avoid if they don't.  On the other hand, I think...is this helpful to others, does it come across judgmental or condescending (the very last thing I ever want to be), does it adequately portray my own struggles with this subject while also honoring God?

So, as I continue to ponder these things with God, I will simply offer you a little light reading for today.  This is going to be insanely random.  Can you take it?

New siding started going on my house yesterday.

Here is a "before" shot.

This was taken a couple of years ago when we had just done some landscaping.  The weird brown spot in front of the raised bed is where we killed the grass.  Oops.

New doors went in yesterday too.  We will eventually get new shutters and paint the brick green to match the siding and foundation black to really make it all pop.  Maybe I'll have "after" pictures next summer.  

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While browsing Facebook posts recently, I saw one friend welcome two new babies into her life as she finally became a momma to two adopted boys; another friend welcomed her man home from serving our country.  She posted a picture of her little boy, asleep, hanging onto daddy for dear life.  I just wept for both of these families as I realized how blessed I was to never have experienced such longing--for babies or for a far-off husband.  I was extra thankful all day for my man who's home every night and my little beauties who came to me so easily--without any planning, in fact.  (Slight smile here.)

I also thought about my oldest brother, who is battling an unseen enemy inside his body that causes twitches, spasms, and pain, and he hardly says a word.  And I complain about allergies.  My sister who lives in a home that is undergoing constant renovation, while she is raising five kids and working full-time.  And I whine when I can't get the window trim I want.  My niece who had to wish her Army husband goodbye just days after marrying him.  And I fuss when mine walks in the house with dirty shoes on.  My sister-in-law who battled cancer...my friend who is battling it now...my friends and family who have suffered or are suffering the pain of divorce or separation...the list goes on and on.  

Sometimes I am reminded of just how weak I am.  I don't know how I would hold up under such trials as I see my friends and family members endure.  And I also know that if we live very long, we are going to endure more than a little hardship.  I pray that I am ready when it comes, because I don't feel ready now.

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There is an awesome song out these days that is the perfect reminder for me as it is perfectly suited to the current spiritual battle I'm in.  (It seems to me that each of us is always in some sort of battle, it just changes from time to time.)  Here's the coolest thing about the song.  I couldn't remember the name of it just now, or really even any of the words; I just knew that at the end of the song there was a passage--descriptive words collected from Scriptures--of how God defines us.  I went to K-Love's website because I had heard it on K-Love recently.  I thought I would just browse through their play list, but get this!  On the side of their site, they have a "Listen Online" link, and below it is listed the song that is "Now Playing," which as you've probably guessed, just happened to be the song I was looking for:  "I am New" by Jason Gray.  Isn't God so cool like that?!  Here are the lyrics.  I hope they are as encouraging to you as they are to me.

You can give me a name
Call me whatever you like
Or weigh me down with shame
To crush me but you won't
My burdens are light 

Chorus
I am not who I was, I'm being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy and I'm dearly loved
I am new 

Now I won't deny
The worst you could say about me
But I'm not defined
By mistakes that I've made
Because God says of me 

I am not who I was, I'm being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy and I'm dearly loved
I am new 

Too long have I lived in the shadows of shame
Believing that there was no way I could change
But the one who is making everything new
Doesn't see me the way that I do 
Who I thought I was
And who I thought I had to be
I had to give them both up
Cause neither were willing
To ever believe 

CHORUS 
I am not who I was, I'm being remade
I am new
Dead to my sin, I'm coming alive
I am new 

Forgiven, beloved, Hidden in Christ
Made in the image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and holy, reborn and remade
Accepted and worthy, this is our new name
This is who we are now