Thoughts from a hospital room:

Can someone tell me why, at any given time, I have at least three inspirational books going? And it will take me months to finish any of them! But give me fiction, a biography, or an autobiography, and I will neglect home, family, and sleep to finish it in a few days. Never mind, I just answered my question: THIS is why I usually just read inspirational.

It is ten o'clock at night. And I am sipping on a cold cup of old coffee even though I'm dehydrated and needing--and wanting--water, simply because the old, cold coffee tastes good. I think this is a real addiction. Legal, perhaps, but not necessarily okay. 

Did you know some hospitals actually have good food? I have already taken home one recipe from the hospital cafeteria: January Salad with spinach, grilled chicken, red bells, oranges, barley, and balsamic vinaigrette. Today I had another awesome dish I want to try recreating:

Yum!

And, last of all, the subject that has been on my mind most lately:  fear. Why is it I am anxious about the girls jumping on the couch or not sitting in their dinner chair properly, but I am pretty chillaxed when big girl hops on a 5-feet-tall horse? Is it possible that at some point you max out on the fear scale and simply can't register it anymore? The fear is too great; so, like a bad experience that has a hold on your emotional development, you bury it and try to pretend it isn't really bubbling down in the core of you. Or, if I'm really not bothered by the prospect of falling from said horse, why does far less bother me?

Fear. It's a strange thing. It is a fraud. A ploy of the enemy to make us doubt God's strength and provision and protection and presence. 

As I speak the morning blessing over our girls, "May the Lord bless you and keep you...Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or discouraged; for the Lord your God is with you, wherever you go...God does not give you a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind..." As I speak it, I think, and sometimes say, "The enemy wants us to be afraid. But if there is no place God isn't, why should we fear?" 

God is there...here...everywhere. God is love and "Love drives out all fear." 

God is here; so, I will not fear. 

At least that's how I want to be. But, honestly, I am riddled with fear. And that is how I know I have not been "made perfect in love." 

I John 4:18

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

I realize I have a lot more to learn about love--both the One Who Is Love and the act of love. I want to love well.  And I want Love to drive out my fears.

Perhaps one indicator of the health of our relationship with our heavenly Father (also known as "Love") is the presence or lack of fear. Love drives out fear. And God is love (I John 4:8). So, the closer we walk with Christ, the farther away fear stays. He drives it out. We are either in His presence, subject to the power of the Loving Master and protected by the One whose very presence drives our fears away...or we are wayward, wandering about the fear buffet, tasting this one and that one, unwittingly becoming addicted to the old, cold food of the enemy until we are subjects to fear. 

Which one are we feeding? Which one gets more attention from us each day? On which do we focus? Our relationship with Christ or our fears?

Preaching to myself tonight.