Tonight I write in freedom. Not for anyone. Because I'm pretty sure no one is checkin to see if I write anymore. But just to record some thoughts.
One. I'm still a constant contradiction. As, I'm realizing, most of us are. One day I'm sharing recipes for my homemade, whole foods, like chili powder, taco seasoning, tortillas, and bread. (I should add they were requested, not offered presumptuously.) And literally the same day I whip up a boxed chocolate cake mix with a can of chocolate icing (aka artificially colored soybean oil with high fructose corn syrup). The next day I labor over wholesome homemade sourdough bread then eat pork nachos for lunch. Nomnom.
Two. I'm still learning (s l o w l y) what it means to live under grace and mercy. To act only by His strength and to forgive myself when I fall down and lose my patience with my babies, judge others for the very mistakes I make, act selfishly, think I'm better, aim for the wrong goals, fail to love well...
Three. I'm still learning to not take myself so seriously. I'm trying to laugh at my ridiculousness. Admit things aren't as big of a deal as I make them out to be. Admit I'm wrong. Say I'm sorry. Let loose. Make lemonade out of lemons. Case in point: I just ran through Kroger's parking lot in the pouring ran with my suede shoes in my hand. Yes, that would mean bare feet. G and I laughed the whole way. The sudden downpour could have ruined a pair of shoes. Instead it gave us a chance to splash barefooted in the rain.
(And then some more when we all were home.)
Four. Life is still good. Very good.
This weekend is Easter. The girls and I have had many discussions about the reason for this season. Lent. Palm Sunday. Resurrection Sunday. We've baked Resurrection rolls and an Empty Tomb cake (the said box mix), filled and hid eggs, and coloring eggs is still to come.
Life is busy. And hard. Lived by self-imposed rules one minute, only to be broken the next. Full of thunderous, drenching downpours of mercy and grace and overflowing with reasons for laughter. Every second crammed with opportunities to taste and see that our resurrected Lord is good.
Here's to celebrating Him this weekend. Happy Easter.
