Guarded Minds

Today I'm going to tattle on the enemy.  I am finally realizing that my beef is always, ultimately with HIM!

I saw something else on Facebook several days ago that was as disturbing as the pictures I mentioned in a recent post--several people raving about a popular book, Fifty Shades of Grey.  I have heard so many people say they are reading this book, and raving about how great it is, without sharing a single detail of its contents.  All this served to make me very curious as to what the book was about, and even (in my ignorance) think it was a book I might want to read.  And then I read an article about it, written by a Christian woman who became vocal when she realized her friends were reading the book.  Now that I know what it is about, I am no longer surprised that women are unwilling to share details, but I am saddened to know that this book is so popular right now.  If you don't know much about this book, here is the site of the article I read by Dannah Gresh that explains why you don't want to read it:

True Woman:  A Ministry of Revive Our Hearts

I have also seen several women raving in their Facebook posts about the movie, Magic Mike.  For those of you that don't know much about this movie either, count yourselves lucky.  It is a movie about male strippers.  Again, someone else states the truth about this better than I can; here's the link:

Mrs. Gore's Diary

I am saddened and maddened (if you'll allow me a little liberty with my words for the sake of rhyming) and literally a bit sick when I think about how our enemy is gradually wearing away at our modesty and morality.  He angers me with his luring subtleties and not-so-subtle allurements.  I wish we all (and by we I mean ME) would be ONTO HIM!  May we be aware that the junk around us is a direct result of his attempt to lure us away from all that is right and good.


I know many of you who read this blog, and I know many of you feel the same way I do about how the enemy is perverting our attitude towards sex.  But if you haven't already, I just beg you all to at least consider that maybe some things around us are giving us more than our healthy share of sex.  I realize that I'm starting to sound like my grandma, but sex is for the privacy of our own home and our own husband.  And, within those boundaries, it is a beautiful thing.  A BEAUTIFUL thing!  I've said it before and I'll say it again:  all things go with your own man!  (And by man, I mean husband.)  So, write your own book and make your own movie--right inside your home.  (But please don't share it with us.)

My prayer is that we would have our eyes wide open to the scheme's of our enemy so that we can shut them tight, turn our head, or run when he brings something before us that is the least bit unhealthy.

P.S.  Perhaps some of you are tempted to check out Fifty Shades of Gray and/or Magic Mike because you are bored.  Perhaps you think sex within marriage is, by nature, stale.  I don't want to shock any of you, but I do not think marital sex has to be boring!  If you're looking for a boost in intimacy with your husband, Read Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon).  Seriously!  Don't laugh until you've read it.  You just might be surprised how open God is on the subject of sex.  He seems to set only one limit:  it must be within the confines of marriage.  And His thoughts on sex never corrupt and always purify...and will send you to bed inspired.  Enjoy!

1.1 Solomon’s Song of Songs.

SHE

2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— 

for your love is more delightful than wine.

HE

4.10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!

How much more pleasing is your love than wine,

and the fragrance of your perfume

more than any spice.

If you would like to take a deeper look into Song of Solomon, here's a great place to start:


Enduring Word Media

Vacillating Furiously

I should be working on a Bible study lesson right now.  In less than twelve hours I will be "teaching" (and I use that word loosely) on the book of Revelation.  I am not prepared, and yet I here I am blogging.  Because I absolutely have to share this while it's fresh.

I was just perusing Facebook while sitting with my girls, waiting for them to fall asleep (a routine my husband and I can not seem to break).  While perusing, I found the "Living Proof Ministries with Beth Moore" page.  (Most of you know how much I love Beth Moore.)  Well, from that page, I found a link to their blog.  (Hallelujah!  I can get a word from Beth on a consistent basis!)  I clicked on the link, which led me to a post about the enemy attacking one of Beth's "little sisters" in Christ.  Beth was so ticked at the enemy, as she put it, that she could not wait to get to the office and write a post to encourage her little sisters in Christ.  She asked for her little sisters (39 and under--the category into which I fall) to state how they need some encouragement, and for her big sisters (40 and over) to reply with some encouragement.  (I was one of nearly 2,000 ladies that replied to her post.  How cool is that?  The body of Christ, all over the world, coming together through the internet!)

Part of her post so perfectly articulated one of my most constant struggles that I'm going to share it here.  She said that her "little sister" asked if she (Beth) had been "here?"  Here, being the season in life where it seems that Satan is hell-bent, literally, on destroying everything you know, everyone you know, and everything in you.  The season of sifting.  Here is Beth's response.

Have I been there, my beloved little sister?

Let’s see. How loud can I say this?? I HAVE BEEN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOY, HAVE I EVER BEEN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And part of me survived. And part of me died.

And the part of me that died, as painful as it was, needed to.

And when it tries to resurrect it’s ugly, deformed, decayed head, I remind it that it is dead, lest it need another killing. Because I don’t want another killing.

I don’t mean my baffling tendency to sin is dead. I deal with that old nature everyday. I can still – almost out of nowhere – vacillate furiously between self-love and self loathing until I’m so dizzy I could regurgitate. But that joint victim and victimizer in me, that violent inner working nurtured at the breast of deceit and raised in sickness with a bent on self-destruction, took what still appears over many years to be a fair beheading.

The part that so adequately sums up my struggle is the "vacillat[ing] furiously between self-love and self-loathing until I'm so dizzy I could regurgitate."  That's me.  And that is why I can no longer teach.  I couldn't articulate this the other day when I wrote about my decision to quit teaching, but this furious vacillation is why.  This struggle has to end.  And I am going to have to do some serious spiritual battle to end it.  And, I am certain that it needs my full attention.  Until I have destroyed "that joint victim and victimizer in me," I can do nothing else.  I have got to be 100% confident of who I am in Christ--that I can do nothing apart from Him (John 15:5), but all things, everything, through him (Philippians 4:13)--until I can truly serve Him in the Spirit (Galations 3:3).

Let me say this:  I knew well before this season of sifting came that it was coming.  I have only "heard" God speak directly to me a handful of times, but girlfriend, I have never been more sure of anything than the fact that He told me years ago that Satan had asked to sift me like wheat.  (See Luke 22.)  Even being forewarned, I could never have imagined how difficult, painful, or LONG this sifting process would be.  Many times I have thought it was over.  But here I am.  Still.  So, as I've said before, if it will sift the pride and junk out of me, then please, Lord, let it be.  I'm just sorry to those of you that I have tried to pull into the sieve with me.  You are all mighty good friends to hang with me through this process.

If any of you want to read the entire post, here's the link:

http://blog.lproof.org/2012/07/big-sisters-and-little-sisters.html

Ladies, it is SO worth the time.  I hope it encourages you today.

And, yes, for those of you who read it, I will be taking on her assignment.  Who will join me?  

Let's "get up and fight!"

Sad Times, Fun Times

Life is full of beginnings and endings.  This summer will bring an end to one chapter of my life.

I have been teaching a women's Bible study class for about four years.  This August will mark the end of the Naomi class.  (Pause to wipe a tear.)  I love teaching.  Although I'm scared to death of teaching (that responsibility thing I've referenced before from James 3 makes the task a bit daunting), I still love it.  Teaching has taught me more than just about anything I've ever done.  I really have to dig deep if I'm going to be prepared to take a lesson to those Naomi ladies, most of which are older than me and have walked with Christ at least a few years more than me.  They have kept me on my toes.  

But it's time to let go.  Although I am having a hard time articulating the reasons right now (I have written and deleted several paragraphs), I am sure this is the right decision.

The really wonderful part of this is the way God has worked it all out.  He has raised up two other teachers and two other classes to take the place of one class.  There will now be a group for older women (30's-50's) and one for younger women (20's).  Honestly, I think by separating the age groups, there will be more room for growth.  

An ending and new beginnings.  It will be good.  He is always working.

And now on to fun times!

The last two weekends have found us in far-away places.  First, we went on a mini-vacy with the girls' Pop and Ne-ne.  I'll share the few pics I have.  My man is still hoarding most of them in his phone.  He has the better camera on his phone so he takes most of the pics; the problem with this is that we rarely remember to get them onto our computer.  So, here's what I've got.

This was taken at the hotel before we headed out on our long walk to the zoo.  

Shiny, happy people in the morn!

And here they are the next day on the carousel. 

Shiny, happy people going round.

The next weekend, we went to visit my family. 

Two back to back trips exhausted these little girls.

When we came home, we found some potatoes in our garden.  Yah!!!  Given the drought-like conditions we've been experiencing, I'm thankful that we've gotten anything from our garden this year.  So far, we've harvested strawberries, tomatoes, potatoes, and corn.  Wow!  A trip to the farmer's market provided lots more yummy goodness.  And this is why I love summer.

Back home, we fell back into our normal routine:  books, Bible stories, and prayers before bedtime.

And this is one of the many reasons I love my man so much.

He's such a good daddy.

Where has all the modesty gone?

Ok, so here I go.  FINALLY.

Remember me saying recently that I was in a conundrum?  ...that I had written several posts over the last few weeks and not "published" them because I knew that they contained some sensitive subject matter?  Remember?  Though things may get a little crazy in here, I have finally worked up the courage to post this.  I am now prepared for whatever any of you may say, thanks to Jami Nato and her posts about "the problem with looking sexy" part one and part dos.  (Both are seriously worth the read.)  Thank you, Jami!  Moreover, believing my girls may read these posts someday lends me more confidence to speak my heart.

Those of you who read this blog are either brave or crazy; I'm not sure which.  But I'm glad to have you along!  Here we go!

----------------------------

I recently saw some pictures on a social network sight that made me want to cry:  a beautiful young lady had posted pictures of herself in a string bikini.  At first glance, I thought she was wearing underwear!  I couldn't help myself; I sent her a message that, in essence, said this:

You're a beautiful young lady--inside and out!  Lock that beauty up as the treasure that it is for your future husband.  I'm being bold because I didn't have anyone to tell me this when I was your age and I wish I had.  I paid far too high a price to learn that modesty is a beautiful thing and I want to keep anyone I can from experiencing that same pain.  Love you, lady.


"You are a garden locked up, my sister..."  
Song of Songs 4:12

That's the super-abbreviated paraphrased version.  (See, I can be short when I WANT to.)  Perhaps I am crazy to be so out-spoken, but I so desperately wish I could have avoided the problems I created for myself.  Maybe if people had spoken to me more frequently and honestly about the importance of modesty when I was in high school it would have helped.  Maybe.  Maybe if I'd heard it more, I would have thought twice about some of the things I wore...like bikinis, Daisy Duke shorts, and--I hate to admit this--one of my prom dresses was even from Victoria's Secret and made of spandex!  Okay?  Although I was well aware of why I was doing it (to attract boys, of course!) I really had no idea WHAT I was doing (flaunting my God-given treasure around for all to see, tempting them to take it).  Moreover, I was on a slippery slope.  By wearing those things in high school, I was taking steps towards even more provocative and immodest clothing in college.  

It is so easy in our culture to do things without realizing their implications.  Especially when it comes to dressing ourselves.  Our culture is obsessed with seeing and showing skin and curves.  It is so common to see scantily-dressed women that I think we are becoming numb to it.  Bikinis are normal...short shorts and skirts...skin-tight clothes...shirts that are cut so low we are constantly having to adjust ourselves so we don't fall out.  We forget that our bodies are treasures.  And, in our ignorance, we are unwittingly flaunting our treasure before far too many people.  What we should only be disclosing in the intimacy of our own homes we have begun exposing to the entire world.  What should be a treat for our spouses has become a common sight for all humanity.

I'm so disturbed by the common culture when it comes to our lack of modesty that I sometimes want to swing the opposite way.  I once saw an Amish family at a water park, getting into the water with their dresses on and I was enamored.  I felt convicted about the amount of skin I was willing to show.  I have continued to hold their extreme modesty in high regard as I've learned more about their culture.  Their women wear long dresses to cover their legs and long sleeves to hide their arms.  They wear their hair tucked under a prayer cap because they believe that even the sight of it can cause a man to lust.  Their dress reminds me of the styles worn in the 1700's.  Women at that time could not show their ankles or wrists.  No wonder there was so much poetry written about women's necks!  Necks and hands were all that men were allowed to see until marriage.  And I can actually appreciate that.

Okay, I'm not saying we have to go to that extreme.  Though I'm certainly not opposed to swimming fully covered, I do own a bathing suit.  But think about this:  If we were all dressing modestly, then men would not see very much of a women before marriage.  Then a man would have nothing to compare his wife too.  To him, she would be the most beautiful woman on earth, because she would be the only woman he had ever really seen!  Isn't that a wonderful thought?  (You can flip that analogy for women.  If we were more careful about what we let our eyes see, then our own man would be the most handsome thing to us because he would be the ONLY thing to us!)

Why do we expose all the secrets of our garden?  Our "pomegranates, choice fruits, and all our finest spices" (Song of Songs 4) are unique to us and are designed to be experienced by only one man.  And I'm not just talking about sex.  I think that's part of the problem--it seems that many of us think if we abstain from sex then we've done our part in reserving ourselves for our husbands.  But I'm becoming more and more convinced that it runs far deeper than that.  I think we are to be reserving even the sight of our bodies for our husbands only.  That should be part of our gift to him.  We are a garden.  And may we be gardens, LOCKED UP, holding tightly to our key so that when we get married, we can hand the one, solitary key to our God-given man.

But, if you, like me, were not a locked up garden before marriage, it is not too late to lock the gate.  Perhaps some of us have even left the gate open since marriage, allowing other men to see things in our gardens that they shouldn't see (a little too much cleavage, a few too many curves hugged by tight-fitting clothes).  But we can certainly lock up at any time.  Your man already has the key.  So, let's just close the gate and not let anyone else in.  Not even for a peek!  Join me in throwing out the short shorts, short skirts, and low-cut shirts.  Turn in the string bikini for a more modest choice.  And give your man permission to stop you at the door.  I beg my man to tell me if I ever wear something that is the least bit revealing.  If it looks too good to him, chances are it will look too good to someone else...if you know what I mean.  And I am a bit ashamed to admit (though very grateful to him) that he has made me aware of some items that needed reconsideration.  So, see, I do not say this with judgment!  I say this as a sister that's in the trenches with you.

But just so we are clear, let me leave you with this one last thought:  inside your home, all things go, sister!  ALL. THINGS.  Unlock the gate and swing it wide open for your man; God had him in mind when He designed you!  Your beauty is a treasure for him to behold.

---------------------------------------

Song of Songs 4

He

1  How beautiful you are, my darling!
    Oh, how beautiful...

12 

You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; 
    you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. 
¹³ Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates 
    with choice fruits,
    with henna and nard,
¹⁴     nard and saffron,
    calamus and cinnamon, 
    with every kind of incense tree,
    with myrrh and aloes 
    and all the finest spices. 
¹⁵ You are^[b] a garden fountain, 
    a well of flowing water
    streaming down from Lebanon.

She

¹⁶ Awake, north wind,
    and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden, 
    that its fragrance may spread everywhere.
Let my beloved come into his garden
    and taste its choice fruits.

I am Dying Here

Literally.


Though this is not a death you can see, I am most certainly dying.  And I never even realized it until tonight.  It's amazing what a midnight wakefulness can do for you.


You know my large family that is spread all over the place sends emails constantly?  Recently they sent some emails back and forth about their chronic insomnia.  All my brothers and sisters seem to struggle with it, as well as my parents.  Not only did I lack sympathy, I also just thought they were crazy.  But since those emails went out, I have struggled with sleep.  Thanks guys.  And you're welcome...to a little sympathy.


My man or I sit with our girls each night as they drift off to La-La Land.  Sometimes when I "sit" with them, I actually end up lying down for one of two reasons:  1) I'm too tired to sit and/or 2) baby girl talks me into lying down so she can play with my hair.  (Baby girl has a serious hair addiction.)  The problem with this is probably pretty obvious--I often fall asleep in their bed.  This really throws a kink in my evening plans.  I don't get to hang with my man for one thing.  Moreover, I have to get up at some point and get into my own bed.  And, because I didn't actually intend to fall asleep in the girls' bed, I am usually not ready for bed.  So, during the move back to my bed, I pit stop in the bathroom for my pre-bed ritual.  All of this serves to completely wake me up; so, by the time I crawl into my own bed, I'm wide awake.  Then I lay there for an hour or two.


So, tonight I'm laying there with attitude.  I'm completely frustrated that I didn't get to hang out with my man, yet again.  I'm frustrated with myself for getting into this routine of sitting with the girls (a routine which I now wonder how I'm going to break).  I'm frustrated that when I got up, I managed to wake baby girl, so I had to lay back down with her again.  I'm frustrated that I copped an attitude with my man when he asked me if I had a good nap.  And I'm frustrated that even though I am exhausted, I can not sleep!


So, I'm sorta praying, sorta thinking, when an epiphany starts to surface.  It didn't hit me all at once, but instead came into focus little by little, like turning the lens on an old camera (not the digital kind that does all the focusing for you).


First, I realized that I have way too much to be thankful for.  I have no reason at all to have such an attitude.  I have two beautiful, healthy girls.  And they want me around while they fall asleep.  Is that really so bad?  In a few years, I am going to be longing for these days.  I know it.


Secondly, a recurring theology came back to mind (I've mentioned it before in this post and this one), that I am in ministry here, serving Jesus by serving my family.  That I am truly to lay down my life for them.  That I am to pour out my life, pour it into them, so that they can live and grow.


I've always known that in order to even birth these girls, I had to die a little.  Physically.  For about four years, I was physically draining life out of myself and pouring into a sweet little body as she grew inside my belly or drank from my breast.  For four years, I was either prego or nursing.  And my body died a little.  Things changed.  I'm not as young and fresh as I was before having children.  Even my skin is different!  Life literally sucked right out of me.


I have ALWAYS known that if someone ever tried to break in my house, or if someone tried to hurt one of my children, or if a fire broke out, or if any other potential harm threatened one of my girls...I've always known, no, I KNOW that I would do anything, ANYTHING, to save and protect my babies.  Anything.  Including sacrificing my own life.  Dying so they could live.


But it never occurred to me until tonight that in order to raise these beauties the way God intends for me to raise them, I have to die now.  But this isn't a physical death; I have to die to my selfish desires.  Subconsciously I've known it, but tonight I finally got it:  This is death I am experiencing.


Let me say it again:  This is death we are experiencing.  You and me.  As we pour ourselves into our little ones, the pain we feel is death.  Death to self.  And I don't know about you, but no one really told me that this is what parenting would be like.  But then again no one really told me that parenting was a ministry.  And ministry is a pouring out of self into other people.  Ministry is loving God and serving Him by serving others.  It is exhausting sometimes.  It requires everything a person has to give.  And more.  We can't do it alone; we need God's strength.  Because we are dying.  And He is living through us.  When we are weak, He is strong.  Where we are dying, He is Living.


I can't believe I have lived 34 years and never fully comprehended the idea of dying to self.  I've read Bible verses all my life that taught this theology, but never fully comprehended it.  Here are a few of the verses that speak of dying to self.


"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship."  Romans 12:1


"Then He said to them all, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.'"  Luke 9:23


"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."  Galatians 5:24


"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me."  Galatians 2:20


I love that last one.  He love me and gave himself for me.  He died a physical death so that I may live.  I love my girls.  I will give myself for them.  I will die a spiritual death so that they may know Life in Jesus Christ.


But He did more than just die a physical death.  He gave up EVERYTHING for us.  His heavenly home, His prominence among the angels, and all that is due Him as the King He is.  He was mocked, scorned, despised, beaten, spit upon, and finally hung on a cross.


And I get an attitude when I lose a little sleep.  He gave up EVERYTHING.  I can give up sleep, and some relaxation time on the couch, and hobbies, and...  Die to self.  Die to selfish desires.


Knowing this and choosing this doesn't make the process of dying easier.  It is still death.  And death is painful.  Death is not fun.  And death isn't always quick.  This death is a slow, life-long process.  This death will take all I have, my whole life, and more.  It will require the strength of Christ.  But it will end with Christ.  Eternity with the One who gave all for me.


A verse I memorized eons ago came to mind tonight too as I realized the following:  Living gives us the opportunity to express our love and appreciation to Christ as we die to our selfish desires and live for Him.  But, we just have to hang with it a little while because this life is short and--oh glorious thought!--dying gives us the opportunity to be with Him.  Truly, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."  Philippians 1:21


And I have to share this one last passage from Philippians 2, The Message. This is a little bit of a reminder for me to keep on doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and to do it cheerfully.  And, believing that one day my girls might read all these thoughts I've blogged, this is a little bit of a message to them as well.  I want them to know that even if I am poured out as a drink offering on the altar of their faith, I rejoice.

^12-13What I'm getting at, friends, is that you should simply keep on doing what you've done from the beginning. When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience. Now that I'm separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.

 ^14-16Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof that I didn't go to all this work for nothing.

 ^17-18Even if I am executed here and now, I'll rejoice in being an element in the offering of your faith that you make on Christ's altar, a part of your rejoicing. But turnabout's fair play—you must join me in my rejoicing. Whatever you do, don't feel sorry for me.